I am the Chief Energizing Officer for the Matchbox Group. We ignite. involve. inspire.
I am a keynote speaker, author and positive change consultant.
I energize people to improve their cultures.
I am the Chief Energizing Officer for the Matchbox Group. We ignite. involve. inspire.
I am a keynote speaker, author and positive change consultant.
I energize people to improve their cultures.
How to Guide Change That Actually Works
I once worked with a bank president who wanted to make the organization bigger, add technology, and increase services. But his employees were resisting the change; they weren’t making any extra effort and weren’t following through on the change tasks he was asking them to do.
So I asked him, “What’s in it for the employees?” And he looked at me with complete surprise.
Here is the key to guiding change that actually sticks: People must be invested in the change.
Guiding change is different than forcing change. When you guide change, there is transparency during the process so the people who are involved will have a sense of what’s happening. This allows people to be involved in a meaningful way.
Many times clients will bring me in to help their employees feel like they are part of a change initiative. I say, “Do you want them to just feel it or actually be part of it?” This is the key! You can’t just tell people to make the change; you have to get them productively involved in making the change.
Many leaders see resistance to change as defiance or rejection of the master plan, when in fact a lot of resistance comes from fear—“I like the way we’re doing it now. I don’t know what my part will be in this new plan. I don’t understand why we need to change.”
Look for the passion in resistance. Many people who fear change are simply afraid of losing what they value about the organization. If you are able to guide change so that the Best DNA of the organization is protected, people will be much more likely to accept the change.
Back at the bank, I spent some time interviewing employees and discovered that they were resisting because they didn’t want to become like the big banks that didn’t care about their communities and their employees. (Ironically, several years after that, quite a few bank scandals came out in the news showing that they were right.)
The bank employees felt like the Best DNA of their organization was that they were a great community bank. They would be willing to participate in the change if they felt like the changes improved that.
We took the approach of finding out what people loved and building on that, versus rooting out the resistance and attacking it. If you attack resistance, guess what, people become more resistant!
I worked with the organization to identify its core values and vision, which were centered around community engagement. We then got all 200 employees into one room, seated at round tables, to brainstorm meaningful ways to continue and build engagement as they grew. It was a combination brainstorm, celebration of the good stuff about them, and a fun party. This generated the energy we needed to really take off.
Purposefully, we set up each table with a mix of employees: a security guard, a teller, management, a VP, etc. We did skills exercises to identify what would be needed as the bank grew, and shared best practices from branch to branch. The diversity at the tables helped people understand other departments and see what was valuable to everyone.
We started by identifying what they were already doing well. Soon everyone was sharing stories of how their coworkers were already living the core values. We created a Hero Wall, where people wrote these stories on large index cards, and throughout the event people stopped by the wall to read the examples. This process builds confidence in the ability to change, and a sense of momentum (being able to see how much they’re already doing well). Then they came up with hundreds of creative ideas on how to keep getting even better. They helped us prioritize the top ideas, and gave ideas on how to accomplish it.
This whole process was kick-started, and within six years they had grown from having $1 billion in assets to $17 billion, while actually making their culture stronger.
If you are working through change or have change on the horizon, I’d love to talk to you about it. Feel free to send me an email, no obligation!
Or check out more on our Guiding Change programs.
And six ways to fix those mistakes!
Communication can be tough. It’s often hard to communicate important or difficult messages in a way that achieves the desired result.
Leaders often inadvertently use communication that scares people off, turns them off, or pisses them off.
Don’t let this be you!
Are you making any of these common communication mistakes?
Overusing fear as a motivator—A small amount of fear is actually a helpful edge to have, such as the natural fear of the consequences of not meeting a goal or deadline. But leaders sometimes make the mistake of using too much fear, which causes people to freeze up, and can even cause apathy or despair.
Focusing overly on failures—When a leader talks about current or past failures, this almost invariably starts the blame game. When everybody is pointing fingers, communication is stifled because people fear the finger will be pointed at them.
Talking only about what matters to you—When leaders talk only about their concerns, for example market share or stock prices, and not about the things that matter to their people, they see that you don’t care about them.
Using too much corporate jargon—When you use too much corporate speak, you alienate your listeners because it doesn’t have as much meaning to them. This type of communication often seems inauthentic.
Doing it all digitally—Digital communication is a necessity in the modern workplace, but doing all of your communication this way eliminates personal connection, which makes your message less relevant and easier to ignore.
Compelling communication is important and ultimately effective! When leaders focus on moving the hearts and the minds of their teams, they will see amazing results. One of the hardest parts of compelling communication is finding authentic reasons that your audience should care. It takes some thought!
Here are six ways to improve your communication:
Focus on a common goal—Find something that both you and the audience care about. This part takes some real work. In fact, it may take conversations with people in advance to help you frame the common goal so that it appeals to everyone involved.
Build on successes—This communication strategy builds confidence with people by reminding them of past successes that can help them accomplish the task ahead. It also reminds people of the practices, attitudes and ideas that you want to see them use again.
Define what’s in it for them—You need to find out how what you’re trying to convey will be useful to the people you’re talking to. It’s okay to draw parallels to some of your own goals, but only mention them after you’ve laid the groundwork for why your audience should care.
Stay positive and give hope—Communication should focus mostly on what you are trying to accomplish. It’s okay to mention the challenges and obstacles, but not in a way that makes the entire message about fear. Napoleon Bonaparte once said, “Leadership is about telling people where to go and giving them hope that they can get there.”
Use their language—You will be much more successful as a communicator if you relate to your audience on their terms and in their words. Audiences respond to messages that feel tailored to them and that meet them where they are at.
Be there in person—By far the most effective way to communicate important messages is in person. This isn’t always possible; in these cases, a medium such as video is a great option so that your audience can see your facial expressions and read your body language.
One of the most important aspects of compelling communication is that it takes you from the Golden Rule to the Platinum Rule: Focusing on what your audience needs instead of centering on what you want. And isn’t that where we all want to be anyway?
Many of us are already pages deep in never-to-be-fulfilled New Year’s resolutions—listing off myriad ways to improve ourselves in a variety of areas. My suggestion this year is to set just one goal for yourself. It is a simple yet important resolution that will make life much better. It can make your more fulfilled, and make you more interesting to be around too.
Let 2017 be the year that you let your Purpose guide you.
Positive Psychology has shown the value in having a purpose-driven life. Purpose is one of our major intrinsic motivators. According to Daniel Pink in his book Drive, it’s these three motivators—Purpose, Autonomy, and Mastery—that enable people to feel passionate about their lives, going above and beyond regularly.
To uncover your purpose, consider what fulfills you. What drives you to do good in the world? Then reflect on how you spend your time: What is the purpose of your organization? What is the purpose of your team? Then line these things up.
It’s OK if you can’t line them up perfectly. Not everyone can start a non-profit. Good thing there are countless ways to fulfill your purpose. The world needs people whose purpose is fulfilled through creating all kinds of goods, services and entertainment. And if you can increase the amount you live your purpose by just 5%, your life will be more meaningful!
One of the things I find purpose in is helping people with the way they look at the world and the way they view themselves. Thankfully, I get to live my purpose as a career. But I also spend extra time doing things that I’m not compensated for, such as writing, creating videos, and mentoring young people.
Recently I met a young man on the subway. Here was this tall, good-looking guy who at first glance looked privileged. But upon further examination, he was missing his shoelaces and pretty scattered. He didn’t have enough money for the train, so I bought him a ticket and asked him what was going on. As I learned more about his story, I discovered that this young man had had an abusive childhood that had led to arrests and a general distrust of authority. I could empathize. I told him that I had experienced a lot of violence as a child as well. I had once felt the way he felt, but that I had changed my thinking through the support of mentors, and that today I was an author, speaker and trainer. He asked the name of my book, and seemed to be energized by our conversation and the possibilities. I noticed that others on the train who were eavesdropping on our conversation seemed to be energized as well, as some were smiling at me as I got off the train.
Because I connect with people relatively easily, my wife and friends like to ask me who I befriended that day or what my stories were. When you live a purpose-driven life, it makes for great stories!
People get tired of hearing others vent about their job and about things they don’t like about their lives. Misery does love company, but company doesn’t like misery. If you want to be an inspiration to people talk more about your passion and your purpose. It’s not just the big things that you do; it’s all the little things you do that create a purpose-driven life.
Here are a couple ideas for finding your Purpose:
Complete the Best DNA instrument (for free!). It’s a great way to quickly clarify your passions and your purpose into a practical motto. If you’ve got 90 minutes and want life to be better, use this coupon code “CompanyDoesn’tLikeMisery” by the end of February.
Or Track it. Set a daily reminder to write down, “What did I get pleasantly lost in today?” Essentially that activity that you enjoyed doing, during which time didn’t matter, and afterwards you could have spent more time doing it. It could be tackling an interesting problem at your job or helping somebody with an issue. Or maybe working on some cool form of creative expression.
Note these activities for a couple of weeks, and then look for commonalities and discuss them with a friend. Many people are surprised at the things that come up again and again. The best ways to find out how to make life better are usually by looking at what is good already.
As a bonus, there is brain science showing that when you make a habit of looking for the things that are fulfilling in your life, you will not only find them you but you will also savor them!
And for more on savoring, check out this Highlights activity!
So, do you want more fun and self-esteem in your life? Live life on purpose!
Helping Others Live Into Their Best DNA
One of my Leadership University students once told me a personal story about her son, who had been struggling with depression. She and her husband were very worried about him, but she didn’t know what to do for him besides lecture him on what he should do differently to get his act together.
After working with me, she decided to hold a family meeting with her son and husband. They had a discussion about the things her son did that added value to the family and to their lives. She reported that the result was amazing: Her son began to see his own value, he started to help out more around the house without being nagged, and he made a plan for his life. This all happened because the family was focusing collectively on that small portion of his Best DNA. An added bonus was that it improved the relationship between her husband and her son.
Think about people you know who are struggling at work or home. Many times we see these people as low performers, but they might simply be struggling because they don’t see their own value.
It’s a common reaction to come down hard on people when they start to perform at subpar levels. It’s the fight-or-flight response part of our brain that makes us think that if we make people feel guilty or shameful that will teach them and they will work harder. There are some situations where this can be helpful, but generally it only makes things worse.
If you can help people work from a place of excitement versus fear and involvement versus punishment, they will start to become self-motivated instead of you having to harp on them to do their jobs.
If you want to be an energizing leader with a team (and even a family) of motivated people, try spending far more time focusing on their strengths and passions, and only focus on the weaknesses and challenges when it’s helpful, not just because your gut tells you to.
The first part of helping others live into their Best DNA is helping them figure out what their Best DNA is. Obviously having your team complete the Best DNA brainstorms is the most comprehensive way to help them discover their best, but one quick way to jumpstart the process is through the Value Add Activity.
This exercise is a great way to open people’s eyes to what others value. Not only does it feel great to have so many positive comments, it also helps team members feel better about one another!
Help your team get on the path to growth today! From now until the end of the year, we are drastically reducing the price of our Best DNA tool! For only $19 per person, you and your team can go through the steps to identify—and maximize—your Best DNA. Click here to take advantage of this amazing deal.
Check out this video for more information!
A Roadmap for Living Into Your Best DNA
Self-discovery can be a blast. There’s nothing like figuring out what you’re really good at to energize your day-to-day tasks, or to give you the boost you need to move to the next level.
Creating Your Best DNA Motto
Walk your talk. To live fully, use a motto to make the talk walkable.
If you’ve been working through your Best DNA over these last few posts, congrats! You’re getting ready to put it all together in your Best DNA Motto.
(If you haven’t yet completed the Best DNA brainstorm sessions, they are definitely worth checking out, and don’t take too long. Click here to check out the Passion, Strengths, Value Add, Principles and Purpose brainstorms.)
A Motto is a memorable phrase that makes it easier to guide your life by your Best DNA. The words that make up your Motto can help you figure out what kind of work you want to do, who you want to work with, and how you want to spend your free time. Once you determine your Motto, you can evaluate how everything in your life syncs up.
Some people live by their own personal mottos: “Down with the Establishment”, “Life’s Too Short to Deal With Jerks”, “You Only Live Once (YOLO)”, “Eat More Bacon”. But what you want is a Motto that doesn’t get you put in jail, fired from your job, kicked out by your spouse, or really high cholesterol.
Mottos may change over time. For example, my Motto about 30 years ago is far different than my Motto today. As a teenager, my motto may have been, “Whatever gets you through the night.” (Maybe that’s still your motto if you have obnoxious neighbors or a new baby. Hey, I’m not judging.)
The great news is that once you create your Best DNA Motto, you will find that you tend to do more activities—small and large—that will have a big role in building your ideal future.
I once worked with a leader named Wendy Schroeder, helping her discover her Best DNA and then she did the same process with her team. Afterward they all shared their Mottos with one another, and soon Wendy started to notice a shift in the culture. The members of her team began volunteering for activities that fit their mottos, and getting more enthusiastic about their work. Not only were they taking care of tasks without her having to tell them what to do, but they were also working on their weaknesses by getting help from their coworkers, based on each person’s Motto.
Our Best DNA is as unique as fingerprints, so our Mottos will be as well. And like anything else in this Best DNA Assessment, you can change it over time. I have. When I first created my personal motto I was 24 and reading a book on Purpose. I decided that my motto was “Guide positive change,” but as my career evolved I realized that I liked to energize it, not just guide it. Then I decided that transformation was more powerful than change to me. Today my Motto is, “Energizing positive transformation.” It thrills me to even say it. You will probably find something totally different equally compelling.
Let’s get started! (Follow these steps or get help using the coupon code at the end.)
Next month we’ll talk about how to use your Motto to live into your Best DNA. And I would love to hear your feedback on Mottos. Just comment below.
In the meantime, visit BestDNA.com to learn more. Use the coupon code “MOTTO” for 50% off a guided Best DNA Assessment for the month of September.
We’re all familiar with the archetypal midlife crisis that involves a sports car, some new clothes and maybe even a younger love interest. The truth is that the vast majority of midlife changes are not superficial, but instead are driven by people looking for more meaning in their lives.
Some people are lucky enough to find careers that fulfill their purpose early on, but for most people finding that dream job is usually through trial and error. People make transformations simply because they are looking for a deeper sense of purpose: the stock broker who opens a bakery, the executive who sells everything and moves to Asia, the wealthy entrepreneur who gives his money to charity.
For example Bill Gates, who at times has been the wealthiest person on the planet, has shifted his focus over the last several years to doing things that drive his core purpose of improving the quality of life for people around the world. He has done this through his foundation’s efforts to improve education, vaccinations and health, and agricultural development across the globe.
Two people I’ve had the pleasure to meet who live their Core Purpose are Dick and Barbara Couch, the owners of a company called Hypertherm. Their Purpose is serving the greater good of their employees and their town. Hypertherm has a no-layoff policy. Instead they have created a war chest, so that when the economy dips, they cross train employees instead of laying them off. It’s the most amazing thing. The Couches even held tight to their Purpose as they were transitioning toward retirement. As a privately held company, they could have sold the business and made well over $1 billion. But they knew that if they sold, American plants would be closed and jobs shipped oversees.
Instead they gradually sold their company, piece by piece to their employees at a bargain price, so it is now 100% employee owned. When I asked Barbara why she would sell her company that way when she could have had an extravagant retirement, she looked at me like I was crazy. She said, “I love my town. How could I look anybody in the eye if I sold out their company?” Their Purpose was clear. They can retire as fulfilled and happy millionaires.
We live in a culture where we are rewarded with the superficial by the superficial. Many people are taught that their purpose in life is outside of themselves, and because of this many people let popular opinion dictate what they should do, feel, want, or even say. Well-being research shows that most powerful way to live is in balance: being true to yourself while also contributing to the world.
This brings us to Core Purpose, which is what you feel you exist to do. It is a single phrase that defines what gives your life meaning. It comes from within, and it is not about what others expect you to do. Somewhere inside, you feel drawn to expressing certain strengths, or achieving certain outcomes. THAT’s your purpose.
Life is more meaningful when many of your hobbies, career responsibilities, and other life decisions align with your Core Purpose. Your purpose becomes your inspiration!
So let’s get to the Core Purpose Brainstorm!
Prioritizing them like this also gives you clarity about which parts of your DNA are your BEST DNA. When you take a look at these statements, everything should generate an image in your mind of the best of who you are, and who you can become more of.
Stay tuned next month, when we work on Best DNA Mottos!
Until then, check out BestDNA.com if you’d like to be guided through discovering your Best DNA and learn how to live into the best of who you are. Use the coupon code “purpose” for 50% off in August.
Uncovering Your Core Principles
Several years ago, I interviewed for a large strategic planning contract with a Fortune 100 company. I had a preliminary meeting with the steering committee that went great—I made them laugh throughout the meeting, and by the end we were carrying on like old friends. As I was walking out the door, they gave me one piece of advice. They told me that when I did my demo with the team the next day I should not use humor. My jaw nearly dropped to the floor. Me, Bob Faw, not use humor? Did I hear that right? I struggled to mask how stunned I was by this request. I explained to them the brain science behind the use of humor and how it helps people relax and be more productive, but they held fast—no jokes for the big guys.
That night I had a conundrum to work through. Would I stay true to my style or would I adapt their style to get this project? If I had won that contract, it could have doubled my income that year. But I had to decide if I wanted to spend that much time violating my core principles. In the end, I decided to be me. I did my demo to a room full of laughter and interaction, and … I did not get the project.
(Ironically the VP of HR pulled me into her office afterward and wanted me to do conflict management with her senior team. So humor is good for conflict but not for strategic planning? But that’s a story for another time …)
To be honest, I have never regretted that decision. I would much rather spend my time working with people who line up with my principles. It’s much easier to be your best authentic self when you feel like you’re living true to the best of you.
Just because something looks like “the life” from the outside doesn’t mean that it’s a really a good life. Trying to force yourself into a situation that doesn’t align with who you are hurts you on the inside and can lead to so many negative things over time. Take rock stars and movie stars for example. They are usually not the happiest people in the world, despite having plenty of money and adoring fans around them. This is because many are constantly trying to be what other people want them to be.
And this leads us right into the next email in the Best DNA series: Principles.
Principles are guidelines that help you make good career and life decisions. The goal here is to uncover the Core Principles that you just cannot live without. These are part of your identity: they shape your thinking and how you express yourself in the world.
Principles are usually qualities. For example, freedom, learning, growth, honesty, health, charity, etc. My own core principles are “learn, grow, and have fun.” They help guide me in determining the jobs and volunteer roles I take on, and even the kind of people I like to hang out with.
When you are conscious of these Principles, you hate violating them. And when you do violate them, it’s uncomfortable, or even devastating. That itself is a great indicator of what might be getting in the way of your fulfillment. One thing is for sure: If you violate your core principles for long enough, you will eventually burn out.
On the other hand, when you stay true to these principles you will feel a sense of integrity, higher self esteem, peace of mind, and more enjoyment in your career and life. Don’t get me wrong, survival and taking care of your family may force us to sometimes take work that violates our principles. However, whenever you have the choice, use these as your guide.
After doing this activity, I have seen many people have an “ah-ha” moment where they suddenly pinpoint the exact reason behind not liking a job, or why they end up arguing with that one person every time they speak, or why some groups feel so right to be part of.
So try it out!
(Why do we choose only our top 3? Because 3 is a magic number that makes it easy for your brain to remember. And the components of your Best DNA can only guide you if you remember them!)
Now you should have 3 words that give you both clarity and motivation. Everything here is meant to generate an image in your mind of the best of who you are, and who you can become more of—Your Best DNA!
Stay tuned next month as we explore Purpose! Until then, I would love to hear your feedback on Principles. Just comment below. And don’t forget to connect with me on social media!
If you have missed them, over the past few months we’ve completed the Passion Brainstorm, the Strengths Brainstorm, and the Value Add Brainstorm, which are all worth taking a few minutes to complete as you work toward discovering your Best DNA.
Check out BestDNA.com if you’d like to be guided through discovering your Best DNA and learn how to live into the best of who you are. Use the coupon code “principles” by the end of July for 50% off.
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